A blog I read recently, which you can find here, had me wanting to write about some of the quirky traits and funny ways of my clan – The Tamil Brahmins.

We guys are suckers for achievements and the Master Controller of the TamBrahm clan is something called ‘Prestige’.

‘Prestige’ is a kind of parental ego – its funny because its primary source is conveniently palmed off on the achievements of us kids. Of all great achievements, there are three things which the quintessential tamizh penn or paiyyan are most appreciated for -

1. A son who can do math – “Yen pullai ‘maks’ le Gold Medalist, therimono?” (My son is a gold medalist in maths, dont you know?). The poor, bespectacled wimp is thumped hard on the back with a proud guffaw, then, “Like father, like son”. God forbid the opposite person bring forth any achievements of their kids. The proud father will shred to pieces even humbly forwarded statements such as “My son is studying in UC Berkeley”, “My son is working for Nasa”. And if these statements are presented challengingly, the visitor will NOT get bajji-sojji, will not receive any thenga-parupu at weddings, and there is a good chance that the kaapi will be poisoned.

2. A daughter having pretensions of carnatic music and/or bharatanatyam-this is from first hand experience – The worst times for this are during the Navaratri days. A gang of maamis in Kaanchipuram saris and Cacharel perfumes take off each on their renditions of ‘Kuraiondrum Illai’ in every house in the district. Once they’re done, they want to hear the girl of the house!! We poor things submit to their scrutiny of our ‘raaga gyaanam’, ‘kalpana shakti’, not to mention ‘bhavana moorti’ and our other bhartnatyam ’skills’. The minute a maami comes home, amma calls out – “Aarabi, maami-ku anda puthu paatu paadi kaatu ma”, (Aarabi, sing the new song you learnt for maami.) after i submit to this, with not too good a grace, im ordered to show the maamis a new Thillana (a kind of dance in Bharatanatyam) and then they all want to see the one which won the Kalai Maghal award (Literal translation – Daughter of the Art) too. At the end of the evening, Im cooed over, praised and wondered at – but this has gone on for suspiciously long. So a maami will take up about how her wonderful daughter (the poor thing just wants to be left alone, i know) is so beautiful and fair ‘like the moon’ that boys are literally standing in queue for her!! But they only want an America Maapillai (Son in law based in the USA). Which brings us to Prestige Point number 3

3. Getting a son-in-law who is fair/tall/based in usa/europe/educated in IIT/IIM – Warning: this does not apply to daughters in law to as great an extent – unless she is also tall AND slim AND fair AND beautiful AND cooks like a dream AND sings like a nightingale, never lifts up her eyes, always submissive, soft spoken and let’s not forget calling the in-laws appa and amma. THEN, she is a Prestige Point and her new Appa proudly will say – “She is the Crowning Jewel of our family” and her new Amma will smile on the outside and rack her brain to find her weak spots on the inside.

So you may be a contemporary Maupassant, a re-invented Rembrant or a Flying Ballet – those will simply be dismissed – “At least he/she has something to write in the Hobbies section of the Jaadagam (Horoscope).”

Maybe you’ve won fashion titles all over the world and are brand ambassador to Chanel and Gucci – “Enne indha ponnu kuccchi madri irruku?” (Why is this girl thin like a stick?) is the best you’ll get out of your tambrahm guy’s family – and they’ll make you put on the pounds too – FAST – have you ever tried our Tirunalveli Halwa?

Or maybe you’re the historian of the century, the greatest poet since Omar Khayyam, or you own Ikea – but if you’re having any plans on a tambrahm girl, you better research the IIT admissions fast.